“Write what disturbs you, what you fear, what you have not been willing to speak about. Be willing to be split open.” – Natalie Goldberg
I love words. They are complex and fascinating things that hold an incredible amount of power, when chosen wisely. I love the way that I can use them, twist them, and bend them into creating a mirror of a reality so deep and so real that you can stare back into the reflection of your very soul.
I recently published a small collection of poetry that I’ve been working on for the last two years. I never considered myself to be a writer, but anytime I would be going through a hard situation I realized that I immediately went to my pen for comfort. It was my happy place, and I felt something happen in my emotional body that was an ecstatic release, of sorts, that resulted in a flow of uninhibited words. Whether jotting them down in a notebook, typing them into a blank word doc, or using the notes app on my phone while walking to class, I found myself weave in and out of a renewed love for writing.
It felt good. However, I started to realize that I was only writing within my safe, comfortable boundaries. I kept it all to myself, scared to death that sharing it with other people would be sharing far too much of myself. Just as I wanted to keep my emotionally scarred past hidden within myself, I kept my writing hidden within my notebook.
This is why I made the decision to put it all out there for the world to see. To find healing, to find release, and to find the strength to move forward. I want to share my soul with the world, to not be afraid of what my “image” is or what other people think of me. I want to stare criticism in the face and laugh, because we all have different realities and no one will ever fully understand your story. I want to be raw, honest, and painfully real. Not just with myself, but with the world. If even one person can resonate with my writing, or find peace in knowing that they are not alone, then I will have accomplished my goal.
Sharing this much of myself with my friends and family terrifies me, to be honest. I don’t want to be seen as the girl who has an emotionally scarred past, but that’s the reality that I have been hiding for far too long. Sometimes I even hide it from myself, continually pressing it down so deep that I don’t have to feel it anymore.
But I want to feel. I want to feel everything again, good and bad. I want to expose myself to the world, share my soul, and love until I don’t have any more love left to give.
Only until you’ve known the pain of being emptied can you truly find joy in being full.
So thank you – thank you to everyone who has emptied me, drained me, and taken the love I so freely offered. You allowed me to discover how to fill myself back up… on my own. And I am forever grateful.
So, fill yourself up with words. Beautiful words, ugly words, kind words, raw words. Share them with others… fill them up too. Love them, love them hard. But love yourself harder.
You are a beautiful creature with a unique, special soul. So put it all out there, share it with others, and discover the joyous freedom in vulnerability. You deserve to be heard.